She said if Im going to die. visitors from Search Engine (by keyword) Can I move on and remain? I lost my wife almost 5 years ago. I dont have any words of advicejust know that I care that youre having a hard time. Also available in CD read by the author. What we never knew was how devastating being left behind could be and continues to be. I wish you the best on your journey. God bless you all and I wish the very bestnformyou. you learn to live with it, this is so true. No amount of time can heal the sorrow of your passing away. . Hiya Holly. I do have some hope to give you. The first year was like being shipwrecked and all I could do was hang on to the wreckage and try to stay afloat as the storm raged around me. I cry all the time, my co-workers dont even ask anymore because they know. I try to stay very busy . I still cry daily but Im told thats not how it is for everyone. Im now starting the 2nd year after the sudden loss of the love of my life. Im still trying to somehow soothe their pain, their need and its getting harder by the day. Grief is a roller coaster ride that when you get off your left feeling dizzy and everything is. I know Dan will offer a prayer for all our lost loved ones. He was 53 years old, and in excellent physical condition prior to his diagnosis. I have been dating again although I was not looking I started to date an Ex that I have older children by, I Dont feel right and feel guilty at times but it helps sometimes. Im trying to figure out why its hitting me again all of the sudden after so many months of thinking I was fine. You are not depressed and forget the damn therapy! We all know that with life there is death. A year without you is almost too much to bear.". I lost my husband of 19 years to cancer in 2003. He died September 2016. Every part of me wanted to share that news with him. I feel your pain my husband died 6 months ago i want to give up but some how you learn to live again i pray alot i miss him he will always be in my heart i try to keep my mind on diffrent things i watch funny move ies go to the park the only thing is trying to sleep at night i cant give up he would have want me to live i know in my heart i will see him again am only 50 i still have a chance to be happy again i pray for you that god will take some of the hurt away and help you and gave you the peace you need to get through this this two shall pass, I definitely understand more then words can express. Im half the person I was. foward with the huge hole in my If i was not worried about my cats i would prefer to be dead. She too is an amazing person and as much as I know we shouldnt make comparisons, she has the same qualities I found in my wife. I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life alone and I know my wife cant come back. You may feel guilty for being the one who is still alive. Id have to agree; like a winter season goes, your heart is dormant. The month I found out he passed I almost lost it. I can say, there is hope and it is centered around one step at a time. I am afraid that if I dont learn to balance my grief with finding happiness I will jeopardize a future together. I am fine with it- I would welcome it- My time and work here is now done. However, I end up waking up, and like a mouse in a wheel, run the same cycle daily. Which was lovely and took the pressure of me. Eileen, I can relate to how you feel. We did everything together. I cry more and I need to shift from my lovely house. I lost my amazing husband to colon cancer 2 years ago. Do not look for proof of this, proof doesnt matter, facts dont matterthe only way your husband will be close by is through your own actions. I swim a lot and do Yoga and Mindfullness. I am so fortunate that I have our wedding video. I work, i come home and I go to bed and get up and do it all over. NOT EVER!!!!! Im in a slump dont wont go out or visit. I find that if I force myself, my anxiety goes way up. Recently my guilt has shifted. Village so he could relax and we would enjoy our golden years, but I am thankful I had as many years as I did with him as my best friend. Ive come to realize that it never will. I hope you are living well in the world of the creator. I was thirteen, now I'm fourteen. I cant say I know how you feel for every bereavement is utterly personal, but when I mentioned to my brother that I was crying so much and surprised at myself (not being a great crier) he said Well you cant just shrug off 45 years of togetherness can you? Theses waves of grief dont last all day, as they did last year, but they are intense when they do happen, yet short. I know how you feel. I lost my wife 14 months ago, we I still didnt think much of it, my thought was, the helicopter didnt come, so, he should be fine, he probably slipped on the ice real hard, no big deal as long as he was okay, we can handle this. Its the alone time that wrecks me. He battled his fibrosis for around eleven years, never giving up and walking the dog faithfully every day until this horrible illness got a final grip on him. Then she was born. I could see the tree that was snapped in half. Although it feels like it, just know you are not alone. He was my life. I feel hopeless and just want this horrible life to be over. We both had been married before and had children. July 2018. It is not a accounted for grief. You must first, get rest. I feel so sorry that my wife had so much pain to go though and nothing could save her life. I was daddys girl always was. Thanks for this. He was so above pettiness and saw things though a better side of life. Thank you my heart goes out to you very much Don. May God bless your soul. I have family near and it helps. Less than a week went bytraumatized despite all of this, but coping. If I could take your hurt away I would. Im actually looking forward to doing this and seeing hopefully my mom and other loved ones on the other side! I have forgotten all his faults which irritated me and as others say, would love to put my arms around him, welcome him home, massage his feet etc. I miss you so much. It is not as bad as the first year but i still have more sad days than happy. Grief in year 2 for my mother which is very difficult, and is equally difficult grieving for my gr-mother. I find hard to go on with life. Even now, I cant believe hes not here! Is this intense feeling bc 1 year, Yes I can relate I lost my dear husband to cancer the same he thought he was a very heath man I was out of town when he just went in for his regular yearly dr apt and they wanted to do more test and he was home along when they told him that he had stage 4 cancer and passed away 2 months later after 52 hours a week of camo and radiation everyday i still really dont understand how it could be just still trying to understand it hold thing most days I still think Im dreaming so I just pray every night and all in the day please god help me threw this and the holidays I hate so I pray that god help me find joy in them again cause right now there is nothing just want them to come and go away fast. I believe the first year I was numb. Karl thank you for your comment. I have one regret that has sickened me this whole year, I wish with everything inside of me that I would have not let them give him the methadone and morphine but the choice was comfortable or in pain I chose comfortable not realizing that meant when they got the pain under control I nor my kids and grand-kids would never hear his voice again. We were together for 22 years. In year 2, Ive been thinking a lot lately about one more smile, a hug, a kiss, a conversation, a meal together. And youre right, In my mind, it feels like if I had that one more. I can't believe that it's been almost four months since my baby Beemo passed away. On the way to get my daughter and son. I feel like i literally have a hole in my chest and it makes me unable to breathe. At some point, you may even feel angry at your spouse for leaving you. Everything seems pointless now after being married for 44 years and now sitting alone. i feel like i am stronger than this, i know what i should be doing, but i find myself communicating by email, and everyone has gone back to living their life as they should. Id rather be home. And i can relate with you. In my dreams, we are hanging out, talking, laughing, and we always acknowledge the fact that she has passed away. It does ease after a while. Losing my mother was horrendous . You know ever since he passed away. I try to get through each day but it is so extremely difficult as you all know. This second year is so hard in a different non-surreal way. 60+ Mother Death Anniversary Quotes and Messages - WishesMsg Why am I so weak when I should be strong knowing that we always have to lose someone. I miss him so much and loved him so dearly. Been there done that wore his t shirt . Stay strong, watch the sunrise and the rainbows after the rain. I love who she helped me become and that is a sweet reminder of her. I have not hit 2 years yet. When I was a freshman in high school, I got the call I'd been dreading for 10 years. Grief, Lost Emotions, and Feeling Numb After a Death | Thriveworks Like his life was just a blink of an eye.19 year. Love and thoughts to everyone who have spoken of the pain, we sadly have to suffer. I lost my son in June 2017. It didnt end up good as i hadnt even started to grieve yet. Its 2 and a half years now but I still feel I cant live a normal life . But what is hurting me now is that my oldest child who hasnt got a boyfriend dosnt wont to spend Xmas with me and my new boyfriend. !My best friends leaving.. really Knocked the Wind out of me. I finally am getting some grief counseling and it helps me to know that Im doing pretty well on the widowhood scale. I have wonderful children and grandchildren but as others have stated they are busy with their own lives. It didnt hit me until I was driving out of the hospital parking ramp: I didnt get to take her home. There is no way to just move on. I guess I will have to find a way to go forward, but I still miss him so much. If only I could land in some port, any port, perhaps I could find my footing again. I have found that others are more concerned about the death anniversary and the month surrounding it than I am. I have never recovered and the se ond christmas this year is,worse than last year. I lost my husband 2 years ago. The finality of it all. Im at 15 months 8 days and Ive become a day counter, as if theres some magic milestone I need to reach. Im grateful to have found a place to share our stories and grieve together. But Im thankful I have had someone in my life that has meant so much that Im devasted not to be with him right now. We have another child to care for, but It is so hard to simply function at even a basic level now. It seems I put so much of me into trying to get through the first year for our adult children, somehow the pain of the second year is catching me off guard. At the time before my husband died my wee doggie was expecting puppies. Instead of it being sharp its full and aching. I feel exactly the way you do. 100+ Death Anniversary Messages and Quotes - WishesMsg I watched him wither away. I have asked God to please take me as soon as possible! I truly admire your honesty. It was after the first week that I began to fear she wouldnt make it. One day at a time. Im in my 16 month. Ive seen it dear. I cry daily and wish I was the one who passed, Robin I am with you almost two years for me after 30 years of a wonderful marriage. The medical services made that a nightmare but at least I had his support then. and hope that tomorrow will be kinder to us! You are facing reality head due to your grief. In the months that followed my mom's death, I got my dream job writing about celebrity and pop culture at VH1, my boyfriend became my fianc, and I smiled through bridal showers and bachelorette parties for dear . I appreciate being able to write my feelings down and my heart goes out to you all. He let me sleep late as part of my anniversary gift, and so that day i never told him Good Morning, nor have a good day, nor Goodbye. Its been a terrific read! I pray daily that God would take me so that I could be with my wife. I hope we both find peace somehow, someday. The short answer is no. At least we always made sure to tell each or other I love you before we parted on the phone or in person.And although there was a bit of a gap between us they were there for every stage of my life as a baby they helped my mom with me not because they had to no they wanted to,as a child they were my heros then as time went on the feeling was mutual and a bond grew I am 41 and lost my husband suddenly 13 months ago. Then a few months later it came back with a vengeance.. everywhere. By doing that, I cheated myself a little but it wouldnt last much. But it cant make the feelings and emotions go away all together. I find that even my closest friends dont want to hear how Im really feeling anymore. 15 Emotional 1 Year Death Anniversary Quotes To Remember Dearest One I do not know what long enough means. He had cancer. She was 2 when he went and she is robbed of her loving gramps. My husbands emotional return My mother passed 9 months after daddy after years of suffering from Alzheimers. I thought they were going lock me up. I took for granted that everyones dad was like this, but seeing how my partners dad is, he doesnt even come close, he doesnt come to see our little girl despite living not far, my dad lived for my little girl always asking for her on his almost daily calls and despite his bad knees would be on the floor with her making her laugh. Ive always suffered from anxiety, though have been mentally strong & lived through bringing up a disabled child, without a lot of support. I dont know at the moment what the day will provide. The pain is physical even as I start into year 3 without him. You are always in my mind and I know you're watching over me and mum from above, it makes me smile even though I am sad. We are all different and you will find your path somehow through this grief. He was the love of my life. When he died, a part of me died with him. She fought with ovarian cancer since 2011. I miss him so very much. And his angles are looking over you. I need one that tells me when we will be together again. Who knows, but you are on your schedule. Barbara- I hear and feel you loud and clear. He was my closest friend and confidant. My youngest son had to see how she looked and one of my stepsons had to help move her to the floor as 911 talked me through CPR. i find it hard to function, to get back to church, to get back to anything. "How are you doing?". He was truly my best friend. She battled stage 4-5 cancer for fourteen years. I stayed in pjs all weekend and left my phone off. And No, I'll Never 'Get Over' It. read your post and it could a mirror of my life! Maybe. I look so sad. I have photos of him everywhere and just stand in front of them every time I walk past. The second Mothers Day without a mom. My husband became an alcoholic 8 months before he took his life. Its been a year. Year one: dont even remember. I cant escape it. That is really important to know. Very first time I laid my eyes on my bf I was in love. Im currently in the process of dealing with all the emotions that come from grief. He was my heart and it was only 4 years and 7 months but he was my everything. I totally understand. Thank you for sharing, Its been 2 years and tomorrow 1 month. Still no cause has been found. As I reflect on the past five years, I've remembered some things and forgotten others; I've grown; I've surprised myself in a lot of ways. She, or rather we , battled cancer for about 4 years and it was a roller coaster . I understand your grief. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rnyqe1XiP0. the worst thing I did, was telling a 7 years old his dad wont be coming home, I heard the loudest screamed in my life, the screamed saying get my dad back ,I want him home. The second year is different in many ways, first that some people expect you to be over it.