Here, I will give you an example, do you own a weed Wacker? Jim said. One says, Spit out your gum, and the other says, Choo choo choo!. Why did the manager bring a pencil and paper to the match? Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? Manage Settings Yeah, he replies, but at least he let go of Bubba!, A redneck sees another redneck carrying a bag. funny dreadlocks jokes. A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Whats a potatos favorite form of transportation? Market research. 153. I don't like getting the cold shoulder. So. My thermometer just broke.". Book-worms! 297. But the pilot objected he said, The plane can take out only four of your elk. Theres nothing worth crapping on. They always get a flush 23. What did the traffic light say to the traffic light? A cat-tastrophe. The first redneck says, My wifes so damn stupid the other day she bought a motorcycle helmet and we dont even have a bike.. "Let go of the branch", boomed the voice.There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "Is there anybody else up there? Billy Bob and Dale were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Dale, Yaw know, I reckon Im bout ready for a vacation. Give me a ring. A stick. What do you call a beehive without an exit? You spend so much time on the course. The taste, mostly. 144. They dribble all the time. An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. What kind of tree fits in your hand? Its your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about its been collecting dirt on you for years. Logic? 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Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, Mother of six, I think its time to go! The wife immediately shouts back, Ill be right with you, father of four!, Two young boys had their redneck cousin over to spend the night with them. So they have a Ball. Watching a fish bowl. Because they have one eye! 159. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. 3. 145 Dad Jokes That are Actually Funny - Best Dad Jokes of All Time Because she was a little hoarse. 90 Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny - Southern Living - Recipes, Home ", A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.. However, one smart flight attendant had an idea. What did the right eye say to the left eye? So we're asking drivers for donations. It was pointless. They log in. What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?" 6) A player asked his golf coach: "What is going wrong with my game?". Tickle its balls. "See that over there? Where does the General keep his armies? The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90. Where do elephants store their clothes? "That kid never learns! 56. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? "The man said "This is the queue for Canadian Immigration Visas, but if you are getting one, I don't need one now.". She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.Just's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. He was not happy with his life, he was not happy with the job he was doing. The wiser fish greets the two as he passes, saying, "Morning, boys! 19 Whats the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? Why did the witches team lose the baseball game? 210 Funny Jokes for Kids: Best Kid-Friendly Jokes and Puns 117. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? If you're trying to get a kid to laugh, there are lots of strategies you can . After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. Curses! What makes cars not work properly when you change wheels? What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? I heard they bonded. The Dread Shed. ""Didn't know how fast you could walk". The waiter recommended that we try their special coffee. Herein, we've rounded up the 50 funniest jokes that are so silly they're practically sunshine. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "The soup is cold. We love laffy taffy jokes! But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. they are always good for a laugh! To get to High School. ", A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.The art collector replied, Ive had an awful day; lets hear the good news first.The attorney said, Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. 290. Why did the melon jump into the lake? What is the strongest animal in the sea? 50 Hilarious Clean Jokes That Will Make You Laugh At Any Age Because they have a lot of spirit! This is one of our favorite joke books. 50 of the funniest dog memes ever. The mosquito replied, "Yeah, I know. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder.". What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? By hareplanes. In a trunk. They have many fans. What does it take to make an octopus laugh? "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. What is a computer virus? A bulldozer. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. Where do hamburgers go dancing? What do you call a pile of cats? He was looking a little green. In a hambulance. ", A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls. A climber fell off a cliff, and, as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch. He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse? 283. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), I Felt So Shaken Up: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husbands Conversation With Mother-In-Law, AITA? That hit the spot. Friends buy you lunch. They are short and easy to remember. What happened when the computer fell on the floor? Well except the kids, right? What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? Including cringe-worthy puns and corny laughs that'll give your dad a run for his money. Which bus never drove on any street? The father answered: to get my daughter on birth control, Doc.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); Well, is your daughter sexually active?, asked the doctor. When he is talking to the Dean at the college, the Dean says to Jim: You will be taking 4 classes: English, Math, Science, and Logic. Really? Where do young trees go to learn? 3m perfect it 3 step system. What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? 265. A little girl once lied and took two oranges, but the priest told her she mustn't lie because God is watching. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor.. How would you rate the quality of the article? Blew. They are on their honeymoon. But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. Choose from A-line dresses in sizes XXS-4XL and T-shirt dresses in sizes XS-XXL. 1. A Maybe. She was hit by the zamboni. Funeral director, "Sir, it would cost about $45,000 if we send her home back to the states or $500 if we bury her here in Jerusalem. Whats the difference between a rabbit and a plum? People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Adult Jokes In Kid Cartoons! (Gumball, The Loud House - YouTube 116. What kind of pizza do dogs eat? Check out more really funny you might be a redneck jokes that will make you laugh. 223. How do you make a water bed bouncier? Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? What did the snail who was riding on the turtle's back say? They always take things literally. How old are you?. How did the pig get to the hogspital? A Mars bar. She couldnt control her pupils. What do planets sing in a choir? After an hour he loses his patience and yells, "Putin is to blame for this I'm going to the Kremlin and I will get rid of him! Watch while I prove it to you. And then what happened? the officer interrupted. ", As a group of robbers entered the bank, their leader went to the manager and asked him to open the vault. Creative Dreadlock Business Names. After Sunday church, the priest would hand us each an orange and a big cookie. Plus over 100 more of the funniest jokes for holidays and even new jokes for dad to tell! asked the operator.He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive. 108. ", A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second? ", asks the bear. Finally, he goes to the dance with the girl. There are over 200 short jokes that will keep you and your friends chucklesnorting all day! Dam. 66. 99. 259. He wanted to live in the present. 187. Hey yall Watch this! 150+ Funny Jokes for Adults That'll Make You Laugh Your Pants Off You can read more about it and change your preferences, A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Thanks Ill never part with it! Theyre always up to something. Whats the best way to burn 1000 calories? My dog sat on a piece of sandpaper. Q: Con A: Okay, now you say, "Control Freak who?" Here are more knock knock jokes that are genuinely funny! A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be. As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?". Approximately 1 GB. If you need a hilarious joke about animals - there are at least a couple of those in here. Well, Bubba began, We wuz havin a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?. Why did the dinosaur go to the doctor? Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? What do you call a belt with a watch on it? Youve just made my day. What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? What do sea monsters eat? They turn around to see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole, and with no hesitation, jump in head first.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-narrow-sky-2','ezslot_21',627,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-narrow-sky-2-0'); While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up. Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper? Here, the Dean said, I will give you an example, do you own a weed Wacker?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_7',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. How can you tell its a dogwood tree? Because it has a million degrees! Impractical Jokers on 9th season, funniest joke gone wrong, Valentine's Day jokes that prove humor is the way to the heart, Father's Day jokes and puns to tell dad on his day, Funny Thanksgiving jokes for kids and adults. 254. What did the tie say to the hat? What do you call a musician with problems? 264. Funny Car Jokes. This happened a few times as the lady found it really amusing. Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition? "Patient: "Right around the entrance. He was sad and had no motivation. Carl had a big swollen nose.Whoa, what happened, Carl?, Max asked.I sniffed a brose, Carl replied.What?, Max said. "The other two continue to swim in silence for a little while, until the first one turns to the other and asks, "What the hell is water? A gummy bear. Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. Ive been here only 20 minutes!No mistake, the doctor says. 227. - The wheels, because they are always tired. Which month do trees dislike? No anti-jokes here to leave you wondering why they were funny. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.I want to go home, says the first friend. Why did the developer go broke? A Husband and Wife at Custody court. Watch while I prove it to you.". What is it?The attorney replied, The pictures are of you with your secretary., I was visiting the house of a distant cousin when I saw that he was playing chess with his cat. Two young salmon are swimming along one day. The past, present and future . 231. ", the others ask. The thief replied: "In that case, give me my money.". When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. 26. At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. When should you take a plum to dinner? 54. Why did the computer get glasses? 50. A one-liner is well and fine if you need a quick joke to brighten up the mood. 1forrest1. With a dino-saw. 295. 47 Dragon Jokes That Will Blow You Away | Kidadl Is there anybody up there?" He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. The third redneck says, Oh yeah, well I can top both of those. Studying the Miranda Rights. Prime mates. Why was six scared of seven? One dragon goes, "Ooh, it's a bit hot in here." The other responds, "Well close your mouth then." 37. How do you measure a snake? Why did the school kids eat their homework? 125. Whats the most musical part of the chicken? Say there, says the farmer, you fellers didnt happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?, The first hunter says, Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin about a hundred miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!, The old farmer said, Thats impossible. 3. 172. Because theyre always stuffed! 166. A gummy bear. He stops him and says: Hey buddy what do you have in that bag?. Did you hear the one about the dull pencil? 25 Really Funny Redneck Jokes | Laugh Away | Humoropedia ", Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A dragon sees two knights and sighs. actually it wasnt that funny but it made me giggle, I said one of these jokes at chritmas and it made my family laugh that much that my Grandma had a heart attack LOL, Your email address will not be published. TODAY: Ready to show teachers some ? What does a pig put on dry skin? He wanted to be a Smartie. What do you call a hippies wife? How do you open a banana? 75 Short Jokes to Make Anyone Laugh | Reader's Digest Canada What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? ", A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, "Do you know her? 14. "Beat it. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? His father comforts him by saying: Now, now. Is it mine or the machines?". Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen! 138. Re-Morse code. 281. 135. 169. How can you spot a baby snake? The police said some heels started it. How do you mend a jack-o-lantern? The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, Boy, go git yo Momma.. Before leaving they told my friend that they had enjoyed painting his car, but it is not really a Porsche. 122. We especially love would you rather questions at dinnertime. What do you do with old German cars? Silence! 105. The Muslim man is driving through a rural town in Alabama when is was pulled over by a redneck police officer. What dont ants get sick? Even the cake was in tiers. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. "My daughter answered: "It's because of my friend's stutter.". Sarah Lemire is a lifestyle reporter at TODAY.com with more than a decade of experience writing across an array of channels including home, health, holidays, personal finance, shopping, food, fashion, travel and weddings. Because he was always spotted. Ca-shew! 106. Batman! It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. How do you make a tissue . Please enter your email to complete registration. What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? A walk. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. He was so good, I don't even. They GoPro! 156. Because people are dying to get in. So, the airline had bungled, and the crew was in a fix. I excel at sleeping. By how much he is coffin. The big moron fell off. A big moron and a little moron were standing on a cliff. Chris James is black and has a British accent.Want to see more Stand Up Comedy? 149. 158. How did the barber win the race? 65. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper? Because they make up everything. A teddy bear sits down at a restaurant. 36. Jim says to Bob: You know what? Theres no b in rose!Carl replied, There was in this one!. That's because a short one-liner or silly knock-knock joke is almost always guaranteed to inspire a chuckle or two if not a full-on belly laugh from friends and family. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "The soup is cold. Hour you doing? 211. 277. No cellphone", says the second crow. You go on ahead. The library, because it has so many stories. 179. 21 What are the only two seasons a Redneck can name? Why did the pony have to gargle? Why is Peter Pan always flying? They read: For best results, put on two coats., A man is driving down a highway, and he hits and kills a rabbit. !Man, that sentence was way too long. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! Why waste perfectly good fuel on a tyrant? 102. I was once passing through a town in England when this lady stopped me because she needed help fixing her car that had broken down. Very Rich Clay, what is your second wish? Quick Lesson. "This must be a mistake," the man says. 37. bamc emergency medicine residency; lightsaber activation box His wife was standing nearby watching him. It's got a rattle. They suspected foul play. He pasta-way. "A nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? "He replied, "Neither do I. Someone else driving down the highway stops and walks over to him, and asks, What happened? The man replies, I hit this rabbit with my car and now its dead! The other person gets a thoughtful look on their face and goes back to their car. It needed help figuring out its problems. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. "Oh, Im so sorry to hear that. A palm tree. 9 / 75 Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? He opens it and sees the same snail. He eventually makes his way over to the bear. Theyre both purple except for the rabbit. Why were the fishs grades so bad? Theyre buoy-ant. A gents! Why did the gym close down? 253. A Desperado rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says, "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive". Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? The Penultimate Warrior! They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. 207. , "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher.After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. (Closed), I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? Better yet, you'll have plenty of fresh material guaranteed to keep the gang in stitches for weeks to come. says the wife. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? The Bored Panda iOS app is live! He couldnt see himself doing it. 215. A cocker-poodle boo. Why cant male ants sink? Wanna hear a joke about paper? A man is driving down a highway, and he hits and kills a rabbit. What do you call a bear with no teeth? They go to the meat-ball. How's the water?". What do cheerleaders eat for breakfast? It was framed. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Thats terrible But couldnt you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?" Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels. Why aren't there any restaurants on the moon? 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These conversational dragon jokes will have the kids giggling all day. What did one pen say to the other? Well, a variety of dizzyingly charming topics, for starters! Why should you knock on the refrigerator before opening the door? As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." Why are the Irish so wealthy? What do you call malware on a Kindle? 147. 101 Corny Jokes - Funny Corny Jokes and Puns for Kids and - Woman's Day A bowl full of mice-cream. So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body. Never mind, its over your head. "Don't you mean big pause? "God said yes.The guy said, "God, can I have a penny? What lights up a soccer stadium? A week later, one of these redneck farmers says . One of the hunters pushed forward, Hey, last year our pilot let us take out six elk. You will be able to keep friends and family laughing with this long list of the best jokes! What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? It's very sensitive! A redneck husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife mother of six rather than by her first name.The wife, amused at first, chuckles. But you need to wear these condoms to stop me from getting pregnant. So they have a Ball.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_6',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); A week later, one of these redneck farmers says to his mate: Are you still worried she got pregnant? His mate says: Naw, not really. Then he replies: LETS TAKE THESE CONDOMS OFF THEN., Two rednecks were sitting on a porch. If you cant find a date! 201. What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? I was impressed and asked: "Does he know how his so many greats grandfather lived for so long? Poke him on. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up without help? The punchline is "I only came in because the light was on. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child? At sundae school. 270. All it was doing was collecting dust. The genie grants her wish.I want to go home, too, says the second friend. Dia-purrs! He got fired. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? Why do golfers always bring an extra pair of pants? Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill. Put a little boogie in it. IE 11 is not supported. 225. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish. 51. An Envelope. The Mane House. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container. Why did the bullet end up losing his job? Knotty Kinks. 36. "Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor. 61. I can do it with my eyes closed. 294. Ten-tickles. Haloumi! So, the wife and I were in town shopping And as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. - Because they're retired. How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat? There was de-Brie everywhere. 238. By its bark. Shutterstock Lawsuits! You could probably get a good price for your clubs. What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.I gently nudged my wife and said, "I bet you wish you still had legs like that! ", Once during an adventure, a farmer named Bryan Clay stumbled into a cave and found a magic lamp. I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!, the officer said.I did, the man replied. A Do-you-think-he-saw-us! 282. Here are 125 funny jokes for kids that will make even the most serious adult smile. Theres no menu: You get what you deserve. Wondering what is was for, he joined it. He Neverlands. Poopiter. A palm tree! The robber angrily replied back, "Do not change the subject, okay? Whats with this? What did the pirate say when he turned 80? But what makes a dad joke different from a regular pun? What the heck is that? Jim asked. Funny Short Jokes This is what happens when thousands of people come together and share their funniest short jokes. 25 You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.