Harriette, THERE IS A CAR IN THE LIVING ROOM! Laura Lee Winslow: [comes in with Mother Winslow's dress from the dry cleaners] Ugh mom, this place is really getting gross. Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah, well. Have you taken leave of your senses? I'm in big trouble! Anybody have more punch? [cries]. He's gonna drive us tonight. That's Lt. Murtaugh. Well, that's gonna stop right now! Steve Urkel: [points to Eddie] His words, not mine. Steve Urkel: [Hanging on a ledge] I've fallen and I can't get up! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Hey dad. Steve Urkel: Why? Harriette: Soon, baby. If you were a vegetable, you'd be a 'cute-cumber.'. Steve Urkel: I have a spectacular evening planned! [Carl steps in the chamber and Stefan starts it up]. But, like they say in the movie "Love Story" 'Love means never having to say I'm sorry Steve, but I'm takin' yo chick'. Carl Otis Winslow: I told him I was taking him over to see you. Carl Otis Winslow: [Takes the money from Eddie] I love you son. She imforms Maxine that Steve is safe and Rachel has just taken him home], Willie Fuffner: See officer, everything is fine. Laura Lee Winslow: Did they let you take one? How about the next round we switch colors? I'm playing Boyd double or nothing. and-so-the-balance-shifts-blog. Robbins: Hey everyone, Laura Winslow's date is Steve Urkel. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl and his father planned on doing a lot of things together, but they never got the chance. Oh, I see. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Big Guy, what are you up? You are under arrest! [Willie grabs Waldo and takes him with the cops who arrested them], [Steve has humiliated Willie at the party that he grabs a small glass of Vodka and pours it into Urkel's cup]. Some Sorry looking roses that are 3 hours away from potpourri. [Steve has just fallen off the tree and onto the Coopers' pet Doberman, Damien. These kids are gonna ruin everything, they have to go. Steve Urkel: What? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I'll miss Waldo. Lt. Murtaugh: They're sending in that Urkel kid. Getting you to smile would be like pulling teeth! Laura: Maybe not, there has to be some guy who doesn't have a date. Stefan Urquelle. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: March 10, Went to the market. THIS? Myra Monkhouse: Mr.Winslow, I am very sorry. [runs upstairs]. Family Matters is an American sitcom series that originated on ABC from September 22, 1989 to May 9, 1997, before moving to CBS from September 19, 1997 to July 17, 1998. You refuse to go out with me for the last decade! It's late. Harriette Winslow: What a miserable evening. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I almost wore that same suit. The hot chocolate will be ready soon. Carl Otis Winslow: Yep, Benjamin Banneker. Steve Urkel: [to Carl] They actually give this guy bullets? Carl Otis Winslow: I'm not finished yet. Curtis: I don't know how to tell you this, but I have to tell you straight out. Carl Otis Winslow: I know. Laura Lee Winslow: Sure. r/Unexpected on Reddit: Pick up lines as it's peak I promise, okay? Steve Urkel: Don't panic, my love! Jaleel White, the actor best known for playing Steve Urkel on the 1990s sitcom Family Matters, has launched his own cannabis brand - on the day enthusiasts around the globe enjoy a toke. Ms. Steuben: Oh, good. Carl Otis Winslow: [furious] Edward is in jail. [finds a note hanging on the door] Oh my God. Steve Urkel: [thinking he's playing hide and seek with Laura, Eddie, & Judy and a shower starts running] That shower running doesn't fool me Laura! White, known for playing Steve Urkel on the 1990s sitcom "Family Matters," is. Harriette Winslow: [Opens the candy box] Candy missing. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Aww that's cute. [Pulls Steve to other side of room] Steven, last semester I specifically asked you what class you would not be taking this semster and you told me HOME EC! Steven Quincy Urkel: Land sakes, woman. Steve Urkel: [Talking to Eddie and his girlfriend] You heard her, you're all witnesses. I realize the reason you don't love me is because I'm weak. You have the right to remain silent. And I like the Red Sox. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Seymour Butts? Got anything in the fridge? [laughs] But you never smile! Second, no one must ever know about this "non-date". Trying to cover it up only make things worse. Harriette Winslow: Carl, I save every card you give me. Chocum hi chip chok!". Rachel Crawford: Mother Winslow, when you when you Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Bite the big one? Laura: Let me tell you something. [after Carl comes out of the busted transformation chamber in an Urkel like fashion, due to Myra's tampering]. I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face. Harriette Winslow: Did I embarrass you, Carl? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Was I ever! Clean up your room Edward. Waldo Faldo: Why are ya gonna do that, Willie? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Yeah, I went to sleep and Stevil made a guest appearance. Steve Urkel: [reading] "No mouth breathing, no snorting, no drooling". Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [under laughing gas, laughing] I just realized, your name is Doctor Smiley. Carl Otis Winslow: March 24th, Raoul's houseboat is beautiful. [looks over to the busted parts of the transformation chamber]. Her temperature shot up and she tossed more cookies than the Keebler elf. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Can it be a 976 number? Laura: You know, I shouldn't be mingling with the opposition, but I just wanted to tell you how handsome you look under fluorescent lighting. I'm wearing a Bart Simpson's mug. [Waldo nods as Eddie goes to the last one]. Steve Urkel: Well, what if you trip or something? "Tomorrow Dad!" Calm down, easy. Laura: Girl, have you ever seen the hair salon so crowded? I think I'm gonna have to fire Waldo, Steve. My, what strong arms. Laura Lee Winslow: No surprise visits from Steve Urkel. Laura Lee Winslow: [pushes some things aside] I can't pitch in right now. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Hey Steve, Was'sup? Steve Urkel: Yeah, and then if you sneeze why, your entire head explodes like a cherry bomb in a cantaloupe. Uh, Curtis. This library card is proof that ONE person can make a difference. It's either a number or a letter! Harriette: [unsympathetic] Yes! Harriette Winslow: You hit my husband again and you'll have to answer to me. To be quite frank I was embarrassed and so were all the other customers. Waldo: Man, they didn't even know who we were. Laura Lee Winslow: You're lucky, you got into a great fraternity and all it cost you was your best friend. Carl Otis Winslow: You look horrible. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: O.k., but I'm not Home. Steve, what happened? Daniel Wallace: Hey, man. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, suppose I arrange for you to meet Johnny Gill personally. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [driving off] Would you relax, Steve? Laura: Look, I owe you an apology. Laura Lee Winslow: Then she demanded her money back when she found out that she modeled ladies underwear. How did you know? Myra Monkhouse: Eddie, Waldo? So, is it all right with you? You are such a sweetheart. The '90s series "Family Matters" may have been about the Chicago-based Winslow family, but the show's breakout character was actually Winslow neighbor Steve Urkel. You see, I use verbs. If you have something to say, just spit it out. We all stand nice and quiet until Gramps and Granny make it legal. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: That's one month longer than they taught it to me. Oh, yes it is! If I remember correctly, the safest place to be during a nuclear explosion is in a reinforced basement. "I have a pen, you have a phone number. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Don't you worry, I'll work on him. Ms. Steuben: I know, Steven. We only have to make one quick delivery. Rachel Crawford: Steve!, Steve! If there was one thing I thought the show could have brushed up on, it would be the premise of the episodes. Laura Lee Winslow: Nope, this is Black History Month. Harriette: [still unsympathetic towards Eddie's selfishess] Fair? The wind has chapped my lips. That's not enough time for Rambo to blow anything up. I was kickin' butt. And we practiced for six minutes! What do you use to get weighed, a postage scale? Steve Urkel: Look, I know the pay is lousy, the hours are long, and you hardly ever get the credit you deserve. Harriette Winslow: She's still pretty upset, she wouldn't even touch her dinner. Steve Urkel: All right! Rachel Crawford: When the paramedics got there, they thought SIXTY-SEVEN people had died! I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face. Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh really, why wasn't I told? Harriette Winslow: [while trying to calm an apprehensive Rachel about leaving Richie overnight with the babysitter for the first time] Rachel, I know it's hard leaving your baby for the first time, but after that it gets a lot easier. Steve could've been killed. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Laura, when I was about your age, I LOVED to read, just like you. Not bells, Swiss Melody Chimes. Waldo: But, why ya gonna do that, Willie? Carl: Maybe I should laugh a little bit more, huh? Carl Otis Winslow: [ordering in a coffee shop] Just a bearclaw and a coffee. Steve Urkel: My Blood pressure. And it's all my fault. You don't sleep, you don't have nightmares. Steve Urkel: Why, sure! Laura: So, Myrtle, how long are you gonna be around? Harriette Winslow: Carl was nice enough to invite you into his game and you've been acting like a jackass. Waldo: [after thinking a moment] Ok. So one day I decided to do something about it. Sara Sue Pettyjohn: [stuck up toward Myrtle's lack of style and class] That's the difference between *old* money and *new* money. I had 8 shots of Espresso, a 6-pack of Jolt Cola, and a large bowl of Froot Loops with extra sugar. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [reveals his empty jacket] He meant the booze that came out of my jacket. Steve Urkel: Well, ya see, we had a little muffin mayhem. Steve Urkel: Really? Steve Urkel: You didn't even make it onto the chart! [music abruptly stops] Look at yourselves. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [laughing] Good one, Myrtle! Your baby shoes, your grandmother's denchers, fish jam; and I didn't get a thing for you. Steve Urkel: Oh, I'm not joking. Steve Urkel: Oh, Gosh golly, Jeepers Creepers. Carl Otis Winslow: I do not care what other people think. Laura Lee Winslow: [enters the room] All right, Curtis. Laura Lee Winslow: Let's just take that risk. People stopped and starred, called me names, and some even spit at me. Steve Urkel: I've invented nuclear batteries. No wonder you're my favorite grandchild. Willie Fuffner: [Wipes his own mouth] Thank you. Carl Otis Winslow: I do not and keep your voice down the neighbors might hear you. "Some people are ignorant, they're afraid, they hate anybody and anything that's different. Bazooms! I was not abrasive. Carl Otis Winslow: [packing up the camping gear] Boy that was great, a family weekend in the wilderness. [Steve is in the kitchen recovering from Laura and her sock stuffed b*obs. Steve Urkel: [collecting] Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Laura: We're not going anywhere until the ground rules are straight. Harriette Winslow: [Eddie got pulled over by the cops, and a ticket] What was the problem? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura this elixir will improve my coordination, my posture, my vocal intonation, and I might even sprout a chest hair or two. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You remember our flyer party, the one that I'm clearly on record as totally aganst. 36 Steve Urkel ideas | steve urkel, humor, funny - Pinterest It meant a lot to me. Midway through the first season, the show introduced the Winslows' nerdy neighbor Steve Urkel (Jaleel White), who quickly became its breakout character and eventually the show's main character. You understand? Laura: I mean it, Waldo. Steve Urkel: Now, relax, Eddie. [Waldo has just given Eddie a list of IOU at Mighty Weenie]. Willie Fuffner: But he wasn't, so chill out ok. Laura Lee Winslow: You just don't get it, do you. During the class picture, you don't have to sit with the girls in the front row and hold up the class. Carl: Oh, you heard me, don't ever come back. Steve Urkel: [as Waldo hands Steve a cup of the spiked punch] Why should I Laura, I'm the pife of the larty! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Ok, you talked me into it. Ms. Steuben: Yeah, well Steven, you're not taking Home Ec. Can you give me some money so I can finish my Christmas shopping? Laura: Let's eat everything and see if he can take a joke! Harriette Winslow: Laura, you've had your head in those books all morning, got a big test coming up? Carl: Uh-oh. With Squeeze I'm not safe nowhere. Estelle Winslow: Your great grandfather's name was Lester. He doesn't have the advantages to see how good the cops are like our kids have. Steve Urkel: Well, it starts out with a little cough. I'm starved. [Comes in the lving room with Mother Winslow as Eddie is taking his frustrations out on his sack of dirty laundry because Carl has just taken Waldo to the Chicago Bulls game instead of him]. Well it's not cool. "No mo giet itsu mana! He's having the same discussion with his father. You're so beautiful, you take their breath away. Steve Urkel: You know what, Laura? Rachel Crawford: Little Richie spoke his first word. Steve Urkel: Yeah, but now I have an excuse. Harriette Winslow: You have to understand, back in Detroit where he's from, the police are considered the enemy, so he doesn't trust them. Stefan Urquelle: You can take a bus or an airplane. I'm sorry, call you next week? Steven Quincy Urkel: Gee, I don't know, the speedometer only goes to thirty. He heads downstairs to confront Steve]. Let's just get there! How much do I owe you for parking? I'm drawn to you. Harriette you're the one who said you're fat. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh great, I'm gonna lose my toes. Hey, you could be making this whole thing up! But, if I'm not, the last two words you'll ever say will be, "A Choo.". Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, they applauded when we left. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to a sorority girl] That dress is so tight! Steve Urkel: Laura! Yesterday Richie and 3J were playing 'Nick and Carl'. Laura Lee Winslow: Steve, could you go a little faster? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Cheating is wrong, Eddie, and you should know that. I don't ever want to go to that restaurant again. "Tomorrow, Dad!" Maxine: Ugh, what is this? Eddie: Oh no, I forgot all about the car show. Carl: I can't tell him I don't remember him! In fact, they finally introduced me to my grandparents. Steve Urkel: Why, I can see the headlines now! [Steve goes to answer the door] I'm going to consummate, I'm going to consummate. Myra Monkhouse: No, I came to visit my Aunt Monica, she's the Reverend Mother here, now why on earth would I join a convent? This wire will be connected to this cord and this cord is not plugged in. Carl: Of all the names that I have called you , the one that bothers you is butthead? Alex Phillips: How 'bout you put your money where your mouth is. Carl Otis Winslow: [Gasps] Why of all the low down Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Calm down, Carl. Harriette Winslow: [Waldo crashes his snowmobile in the Winslows' living room] Waldo? Steve Urkel: Loving you is like trying to touch a star. Steve Urkel: I've taken a vow of chastity. But honey, let's put a positive spin on it. All we had to do was drop some dead guy off at the graveyard. What's up? Carl Otis Winslow: Laura, what's going on in here? Now you're going to find out what it's like to be Steve Urkel. Steve Urkel: Uh, Eddie, is this a bad time? Carl Otis Winslow: Two stalks of broccoli and three pieces of asparagus? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl, you lazy slug! Carl Otis Winslow: Don't get cute with me Harriet. I was just talking with your grandmother. Carl Otis Winslow: What did she have to say? They help move along our sentences. Laura: Sure. Steve Urkel: No, I don't like to disturb anyone. Verbs are our friends. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: How'd that happen? Steven Quincy Urkel: I will *not* sleep in the bathtub! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: That's hotties, Steve. Don't nothing, never mind me, Carl. Carl will understand. This has never happened before. Steve Urkel: Don't we remind you of The Temptations? Harriette: This feud between you and Nick is getting out of control. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I feel so safe in Raoul's strong arms I love him soo much and I sorta like Carl. Hey, wait a minute. Maxine Johnson: Ooh Laura, you look good. Steve Urkel: Yes! You think I'm fat. Harriette Winslow: Carl, I'm up in Laura's room and she looks at me, and she asks 'Why, Mom? This causes Steve, Waldo and Weasel to leave and Eddie laughs nervously]. I'm getting dizzy. Steve Urkel: Oh, I am so glad you said that! right next to the bathroom. I'm finished with this witness, your honor! Laura Lee Winslow: I know, but he said 'get lost, Laura'. [strikes a pose] Laura? For that matter why isn't everybody? Never snort with a hangover! Overall, Steve's good intentions trump his flaws and give the audience a plethora of laughs every time he comes onscreen and says, "Did I do that?" Without Steve Urkel, Family Matters would have been overlooked as just another TGIF Friday night comedy show. Laura: [Curtis is about to break bad news to Laura] Curtis! Harriette Winslow: Abrasive? He woke me up too. Then there's in the summer, when we use him as a human bug zapper. Laura: Ma, the package said to cook it at 275 for 20 minutes. Carl Otis Winslow: He and Steve got busted for gambling. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Make one, then Xerox It! I'll just begin a rigorist-training schedule. Eddie: I guess this means you're gonna ground us, huh? Laura Lee Winslow: [Faces Ty] Steve is my brother? Sergeant Shishka: Don't insult my Army. Steven Quincy Urkel: I'm not through! None of this is your fault. Steve Urkel: Mmm, steak. I'll teach that. I love my Army. Laura Lee Winslow: [reading note] 'If you want black history, go back to Africa'. Eddie didn't have to come back here and confess. I love you more than life itself. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Oh that's sweet, what did he say? Inside this scrawny chest, there beats a heart. Why, because of you, he's swapping recipes with Wolfgang Puck. Carl: 3, 2, 1 1, 2, 3 What the heck is bothering me? To rob and murder? [Eddie groans as Carl walks in to brighten his mood], [Eddie leaves with Carl to hang out with him. Weasel: [Eddie leaves and Weasel gets hit by Waldo] What was that for? Ordinarily, I like a table right next to the water. [takes note and crumbles it, Laura slams locker door, revealing the word 'N*gger' spray painted on it]. Their own version of the 3 R's? Harriette: Who cares? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: March 24th, Raoul's houseoat is beautiful. Sheldon is rude, vain, obnoxious, and one-dimensional. Now can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't ground you for the rest of your life. Earlier Urkel's Funny Moments - YouTube Steve Urkel: Oh, pasha, you're making me blush again. I'll be in all the videos. This semester we're Steven, you'd better get going. Carl Otis Winslow: I'll tell you what son, why not give me cash for Christmas. [reading] "Mongu! Steve Urkel: [shows up in the living room with his flowers from the cemetery] Hi Laura, these are for you. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Then, you'll need a wide-angle lense. ", Harriette Winslow: She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and she said "Why, Mom?". Carl Otis Winslow: No. Laura Lee Winslow: It was just a little practical joke. Curtis Williams: Laura, great timing. Seems I'm having all the luck. Myrtle Urkel: Frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn. The truth is you deserve a kiss. Why would somebody do this to me?' Well if he does it again, I'm gonna grab his bellows and make a wish. Rachel Crawford: Steve, are you sure you're okay? Undaunted, Steve switches the station to polka music and ends up having a good time dancing with Waldo and Maxine], Carl: By the way, thanks for letting me use your chamber, Stefan. Laura and Judy, divide up the rest between Barbie doll fans and Lego lovers and get them upstairs too! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Waldo! The notion was apparently incongruous enough to ABC, the longtime home of the hit comedy ''Family Matters,'' which features the geeky Urkel character, that its executives . And there is nothing you can do to ever change my mind. Let me tell you something though Weasel. Waldo Faldo from Illinois. Does that about cover it? Cop: [Searching Willie and Waldo] Ok, where did you hide the booze? I've been there a 100 times, but this time was different. Laura: Dad, you're exacerbating the situation instead of ameliorating it. Richie Crawford: I can break all this stuff. Ken: You make me wanna puke! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Would you shut your filthy mouth! Steve Urkel Pick Up Lines - tqquu.rocks Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well, so is Urkelbot! 'Steve Urkel' Actor Jaleel White Launches Purple Urkle - Forbes You think it's funny to spike somebody's punch and watch them act like a fool. And the reason it hurts is because I've tried very hard to be your friend and all you've done is take advantage of me. This is amazing! The Most Memorable Moments From Family Matters - Looper.com Come here. Harriette Winslow: Well, Eddie said something came up, but he promised he'd empty the trash tomorrow. Steven Quincy Urkel (generally known as Steve Urkel or just simply Urkel) is a fictional character on the ABC/CBS sitcom, Family Matters, who was portrayed by Jaleel White. They help move along our sentences. Stefan Urkelle: Oh no, I didn't shut off the machine on time. Carl Otis Winslow: Well Harriette, what are those people teaching down at that school? Urkel actor Jaleel White is launching his own cannabis brand | CNN Business Carl Otis Winslow: After you left, I saw your boy Fresh Squeeze at the door. We're having big fun here. Trying to cover it up would only make it worse. I'm in college. I'm Stefan sweet thing. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Forget it, Carl, it's quicksand. Laura Lee Winslow: [in tears] Daddy, everything's a mess! T-Pain says Kanye West stole one of his lines after calling it - REVOLT Steve Urkel: Well, the earth didn't exactly move for me either! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [about Harriette's gingerbread house] This is a work of art. I just spend two hours talking a guy off a ledge, then found out he was a window washer. [Eddie comes crashing through the living room in the car], [Stefan did not take his "cool boost" for that week - he wants to turn back into Steve]. Judy Winslow: Boring. Steve Urkel: Why, to make everyone think that the woman I love actually loves me back? My daughter's been hurt and I can't do a thing about it. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: Serious. Steve Urkel: Oh, no buts! There's a lot of bad pickup lines out there. Colonel Dirk Urkel! Rachel Crawford: Well, Steve, I am your boss. Steve Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Tries to hold Eddie from pounding their friends] Eddo. Laura: [gasps] I'm sorry, I'm so sorry please forgive me. My doctor slapped the wrong end. Baby Girl: You couldn't push me out of this park if you wanted to! Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, cool. Oh, good. Why are you guys dressed like that? Laura: Well you're stubborn, irritating, loud, obnoxious, pushy, clumsy Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! Carl Otis Winslow: Like that. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl hasn't moved that fast since he chased a doughnut down hill. Harriette Winslow: [gives him a tray of drinks] Here, take these with you. This could be an emergency and I'm not even dressed yet! [goes to the refrigerator] No root beer? Steve Urkel Pick Up Lines - zrrie.us Laura Lee Winslow: He didn't need to. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What? Steve Urkel: Don't feel bad. Steve Urkel: King me. Steve Urkel: So, you used me! Needless to say she's not amused as he jumps on there]. Steve Urkel: Oh, why not? Rise! Laura: Thank you, Steve. Steve Urkel: [opens the back door] Surprise. Steve Urkel: Well, because it's different. Steve Urkel: Of course. Because, I already told him I do remember him.